The Domestic Violence and Abuse Voices Project, engaged with a male victim-survivor, Joe, and his wife, Sophie, who shared their story, highlighting how domestic abuse doesn’t only impact the victim, but also the people around them.
Joe told us:
“My wife has walked through the journey of recovery with me every step of the way, listening, supporting and understanding. She has helped me heal and it’s drawn us closer together. There is so more I could say, it’s difficult to put into words…”
His wife Sophie, spoke about the invisible and enduring impact of domestic abuse on their family and shared a message of hope for others in the same situation:
“My husband experienced domestic abuse from the age of 7 onwards. His real mum died when he was 7, and very soon afterwards, his dad re-married. My husband’s domestic abuse was (and continues to be) perpetrated by his step-mum.
We are now in our 40’s, and it has only been during the past three years that we have been supported to leave the abuse by accessing help through Behind Closed Doors Prevention and Recovery Service, as well as other counselling which my husband has accessed.
Being the person who supports a victim-survivor can be a very lonely and isolating place when due to the nature of abuse (in the main, emotional and spiritual), the ‘marks’ left on your loved one are invisible, but are there none-the-less. It can also feel like you are trapped and silenced as extended family.
Challenging and standing up to the perpetrator and their abuse did not make a difference or end their abuse. So, standing by while you see your loved one going through mental anguish and pain – is not easy, yet necessary for them to come out the other side.
I think ‘hang on in there’ is a good overall message as things can and do improve when you get the right support. The abuse might continue (as in our case), but because we’ve put secure boundaries in place, (we have both worked together on agreeing what these are), the abuse is less impactful, almost one step removed, and we are more in control than before the boundaries were put in place.
So, there is hope, and light at the end of the tunnel for the abused and their extended family.”
If you are worried about a loved one experiencing domestic abuse, you can call our LDVS helpline for support and advice on 0113 246 0401. Visit the Contact Us page to learn more.
For more information about our partner organisation Behind Closed Doors, visit the website.
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